My life has been crazy to say the very least, I am not even really sure where to start but I will try to give you the short version :). August 2009 I started a new, GREAT, job. I loved it; it was wonderful, huge raise, great people, fun environment, etc., about the same time Scott moved from California to once again try to make a relationship work. When things were probably at their worst between us, I found out my company had decided to close their Texas office. They asked that I relocate to our headquarters in Orlando, FL. At about the same time, my sister got engaged and was planning her wedding. Point is, there was a LOT going on all at once.
This meant HUGE stresses for me: How do I help and stay involved with the planning of my sister's "BIG DAY", deal with my relationship all while traveling back and forth between Orlando and Dallas, and making the decision to actually move or not.
As someone who has pretty much always been level headed, put together and able to multitask all these things took a toll on me and my well-being. I agreed to "move" to Orlando with the company, however in doing so, I had to agree to stay for at least 6 months or I would have to pay fines to the company. Because me and Scott were not doing well, I didn't think it would be wise for him to quit his job and move with me, so I didn't invite him, however, I didn't break up with him at that point either. This meant, I was somehow supposed to manage my already troubled relationship from 1,000 miles away; more to come on that later. Helping my sister plan her wedding while traveling back and forth, was very difficult, she needed me to be around more than I was, but work was very demanding, AND I had to pay for every plane ticket to and from, everything was getting expensive...side note: I was paying rent in Orlando AND Texas, paying for travel back and forth, AND having to pay for wedding like things, i.e.; bachelorette parties, party favors, the cost to get to the wedding (It was in Mexico)(Which my mother helped with, thank-you GOD), my dress, etc. So in addition to cost weighing heavily, so were the demands of me and my time, from 4 different parties; Scott, Jess, Work and all my other friends. I was just exhausted, warn down, and eventually…defeated. Scott and I continued to struggle, Jess fired me not once but twice as her maid of honor, friends were drifting away and work grew more and more stressful, demanding with little to no pay off.
I made it through my sister's wedding, but not before I had dropped around 30 lbs in a matter of 5-6 weeks because of all the stress I had going. I had gone from size 10 to 4, 150lbs to 115lbs. Needless to say this started just ANOTHER stressor/issue for me. When everyone in my family saw me, for most of them, it had been close to a year, they were SHOCKED! They all lectured about me and my weight, and how they were worried about me not taking care of myself. So while I dropped the stress of my sister's wedding, I still had; work, money, friends, Scott and now family as the main stressors anyways.
I returned to real life after the wedding. Work continued to become crazier and crazier; my living situation in Orlando went from bad to worse. I had moved in with 2 girls, one whom worked under me, and another girl, at first I loved them both, but those who know me, know I have NEVER had luck with roommates. After a very long but short 2 months the dynamics of the house became unbearable. If and when I was home, I locked myself in my bedroom only coming out to get food/drinks out of the kitchen. When I moved in, I had told both the girls, “what is mine is yours, help yourselves, just let me know if you borrow something, and make sure you return it”…well that came back to bit me in the ass…somehow, somewhere, I found all of my jewelry missing (about $5k worth), all while I continued to have issue with Scott and then of course the additional issue which was my family's concern for my health both physical and mental, and work.
Well before I knew it, I found myself “situationally” depressed (clinical term but self-diagnosed). I couldn't manage to make a decision to save my life. This is where I pick back up on my and Scott...I had asked him to back off, and explained that I needed space to figure ME out, explaining to him, that until I figured ME out, I would not be able to adequately contribute to our relationship and figuring out what we needed to do to be better. Hell, I couldn't figure out what I needed to do to figure ME out, how did he expect me to figure US out? He continued to ignore my request, and continued to push and push, causing more and more stress, til I finally threw in the white flag and just ended it. I explained to him that, I wasn't and couldn't make him happy in my current state/condition and or location for that matter, and that he needed to move on. Giving you the short version and sparing you the grueling details, that is where we called it quits.
My mom, mike, sister, her husband and Lindsey (she lived with my parents for almost a year) all had a "intervention" via Skype with me, explaining that “they all knew best for me and they were all concerned for my health and asked that I quit my job and move back to Texas, with or without another job”. Again, pressure and stress got the best of me; I evaluated the situation and ended up agreeing to do it. Based on the fact that I was down to 108lbs size 2 or in some cases 0, many sleepless nights, because I was either working through the night or just so stress and upset I couldn't sleep, and although working my ass off, I wasn't being adequately compensated, didn't get the job title only responsibilities and continuously wasn’t getting things I was promised at work, in addition to my living situation getting worse and worse, I continued to get expensive things stolen from me, it was what I now refer to as “rock bottom”. So between my own conclusions and my family’s full proof plan and my 6 months nearing an end, I decided to put in my notice at work and abandoned the sinking ship!
Moving back, I had originally had a job lined up, but, it fell through once I got back. So I went about 3 months without work, this was another HUGE stressor for me. I drained my bank account down to $3 (no I didn't forget to put zeros behind that 3) keeping up on my bills with no income. Although grateful that my sister opened her doors to me and my dog, and my mom offered to help financially I hated to accept help. I had to swallow my pride and allow others to help, that was a HUGE pill to swallow for miss independent.
BUT THEN...right when I was nearing another self-diagnosed situational depression I was blessed with a new job. Just to give you a time frame reference we are at June of this year now (told you I would give you the short version, lol). So far, the new job is going alright, defiantly keeps me busy, lots of travel, lots of off-site trainings, so really I am still considered very new! I also got my own apartment at the beginning of August, and I love every minute of having my own place, a pay check and my sanity back! Oh, and I am dating someone new, we started dating since about March-ish when I moved back to Texas.
Things have been going great!
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