I've said it before and I am saying it again. I do not want to get married, I do not want to display my love for someone publicly, pay large amounts of money to let the world know how I feel, when the only person that really needs to know, is my other half. In addition to me not wanting to pay for a wedding/big ass party <--That's what it has become, I cannot ignore what I know, what I have seen, or the overwhelming stats that exist, I would be a fools fool.
My feelings towards marriages have once again been re-confirmed, and continues to grow stronger and stronger. It is interesting to read past blogs, facebook comments, and or recall conversations, I have had on the topic and to see the evolution and how much it has changed yet stayed very much so the same. I have gone from "HELL NO", to seemingly quite or just not outwardly against it to, "ya know, maybe someday", to "nope, I had it right the first time, HELL NO". The root to which these feelings spring from has always been the same, too many failed marriages to ignore, but I have changed my personal feelings towards relationships and commitment. I am not against commitment. I am not against living as though I am married, especially in my current relationship, (I will comment on that last sentence in a minute). I am just against falling for the false illusions or sense of commitment a marriage license once provided. My personal opinion is that I do not think I will be missing out on anything by NOT going through the process of actually getting married. At the very least the things I might, MAYBE, be missing out on by not signing a marriage license, does not out weigh the negatives that for whatever reason goes along with actually getting married.
People say, "the first year of marriage is hard", WHY? What starts or is reset when you sign a piece of paper? For two people who have lived together before actually getting married, what changes? It should be nothing, were you both committed and not with other people before? Did they put the toilet paper roll on that way before? Were they lazy on Sundays? Chew food this way or that way? If not, if they weren't that way before, then why are they now? Was it a trick? I can't believe people would actually trick you into believing something that wasn't true JUST so you would marry them and then BOOM, "you are stuck with me now, ha ha ha". So, again I ask, why is the 1st year of a marriage so hard?
In an old blog I also question why people who are seemingly unhappy in their relationship take it to the next level and get married. It is still a question I ponder over, I have watched it happen several times since I posted that blog, to close friends and even family. I just can't for the life of me make sense of it. And it is those marriages that add to the overwhelming number of divorces today. Double whammy for people like me, really trying to understand, evaluate, and digest the idea of marriages.
While making big purchases like buying a house, getting married or having a baby will change the dynamics of a relationship, it will not change a person. So for anyone who is considering doing these types of things as a ploy to get the other to suddenly; open their eyes, be a better person, grow up, or any other dramatic change you might desire, save yourself...it doesn't!
As long as I am being honest, I think a large part of me that doesn't want to get married is because I want to save face. Yes, I realize how bad that sounds but it's the truth. Even publicly making statements of how great my current relationship is (the comment I wrote above), is sometimes otherwise difficult for me to do. While it IS great right now, and in a perfect world, I would want it to go on forever, I can't help but want to avoid looking or feeling dumb if and when it is no longer great and no longer exists. A wedding is a public, and expensive might I add, affirmation of how in love two people are to their friends and family, a marriage is between a man and women that is supposed to be "In sickness and in health", "for richer or for poor", and above all "til death do us part", those statements made at a wedding to kick off a marriage are supposed to provide the individuals a vow of commitment, through EVERYTHING, but that is not what happens anymore, when the healthy get sick, or the rich get poor, the other gets going. I realize marriages are not easy, but all to often, and it has been demonstrated for me time and time again, it is too easy to leave, to just walk away, and to give up. I guess what I am saying is as much "fun" or as great as it sounds to be ABLE to believe in fairy tales, I just can't do it. Do good marriages exist? I am sure they do, but just like winning the lottery or a big foot sighting, it just seems too far from the realm of actual possibilities that I do not fantasize about my wedding day, nor do I talk about what I would do if I won the lottery. I have been accused of sounding bitter or jaded, I do not think I am those things. I am someone with a very level head on my shoulders who is grounded, and realistic. The reality is that the facts, trends, numbers do not lie. The heart can trick even the most intelligent fool, I do not have my heart guarded, it is out there, and currently in someone else's hands...BUT, since my head isn't too far from my heart, I have to be mentally prepared to take it back if he no longer wants possession of it.
I do hope to find myself living in a marriage some day, to be living happily ever after, with someone who sticks by me during my bad days, weeks, months or whatever, someone that finds being with me on bad days means more than not being with me at all.
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